Inner anguish

My favorite blogs to read are about artsy/textile things...or celebrities. (I know, shame.) I wish I had enough to write about to have an artsy/textile blog of my own. Or that I felt able to share all the steps of my projects as I completed them. But I don't.

And I would feel like I was copying all these other cool sites. Like these: http://piaks.blogspot.com/
http://www.yarnballboogie.com/

Those are just two random ones I found. I've read better ones before.

I mean, my blog tagline doesn't even make sense, except in a weird way to me. Sort of a play on the whimsy / fun of cocktails, and the whimsy / fun of FRUIT cocktails. "Weeds" refer to mint, "juice bubbles" to pomegranate. I want to take the simple, the mundane, the disparate in life and make it all fun and beautiful and meaningful.

But that odd concoction of a tagline is a little too quirky for my own good, right?

*Self-doubt*

Soundtrack of My Life: The Musical!: THE SEQUEL

Despite my attempt to make the best of the, shall we say, desultory songs on my life soundtrack in the last post, I'm still kind of bummed out about it. So I am going to see what the sequel of my life will sound like. (I'm not a believer in reincarnation...but maybe this can be an...alternate life?)

Same rules: iPod (or iTunes, or any MP3 program really) on shuffle...must write down the songs as they play, in sequence, to correspond with different life stages. IN ORDER.

Opening Credits:
The Crystal Lake - Grandaddy
Alternative intro...okay, I like it...

Waking Up:
I Wanna Be Your Man - The Beatles
First thought of the day?

First Day at School:
All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands - Sufjan Stevens
A folksy first day of school...better make this one high school.

Falling in Love:
Track One - Asle Bjorn (the "o" in her name has one of those little lines drawn through it)
(Okay, so this is kind of an interesting, "post-modern" style of falling in love. Trying to dig it...)

Breaking Up:
Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John and Kiki Dee
Finally, something that kind of works! In a backwards sort of way...

Prom:
A Time to Love - Stevie Wonder (feat. India.Arie)
Okay, I could see this as a semi-slow prom song...if you take the title at face value. The song deals with oil, racism, the environment, etc., so not exactly a oh-my-goodness-i'm-in-love-with-you-and-this-is-the-best-night-of-my-life song.

Life’s Okay:
Sheng: 7 Tunes Heard in China-1: Seasons - Yo-Yo Ma
This song was pleasant, I suppose - meaning that it works okay.

Mental Breakdown:
Fur Elise - Vince Guaraldi Trio (A Charlie Brown Christmas)
Moody music for a mental breakdown...that could work! In fact, I think this could provide an effective backdrop for an emotional scene.

Driving:
Saturn - Stevie Wonder
(Again, like the driving song on the original soundtrack...this one would work best driving at night, with the moon roof open. It's got that planetary thing going on.)

Flashback:
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
I see it! Or, rather, hear it.

Getting Back Together:
Nine Sixteen - Bruno Merz
Yay! Works. Cute song.

Wedding:
I Me Mine - The Beatles
I was hoping for something breathtakingly romantic. And of course that didn't happen.

Birth of Child:
Laden with Guilt - Caedmon's Call
Don't quite know how to interpret this one...unless you go the original sin route.

Final Battle:
The Diary of Jane (Single Version) - Breaking Benjamin
Appropriately epic!

Death Scene:
02p - chapter section from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
One of the characters in this scene dies later in the book...

Funeral Song:
09k - chapter section from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Ironic. This is leading up to the will-you-marry-me moment!

Nice One:
Despertar - Valeria Gastaldi
To be honest, I haven't taken the time to try to translate this one yet. But it sounds nice!

end credits:
When Do We Dance? - George Gershwin
Actually, this would make an adorable end. When do we dance, my love?


This soundtrack is still random, but a lot more fun than the last one. My alternate life will be filled with much better music than my real life!

Soundtrack of My Life: The Musical!

I'm going to follow the crowd, about seventeen gazillion years late, and do one of those "Soundtrack of My Life" surveys that everyone likes to post on their blogs and MySpaces. You know, the ones where you put your iPod on shuffle and put down whatever song comes up for the next sequence in your movielife. (No cheating.)

I mean, I've done them before, but this will be the "real" one that posterity will see. So this had better work.


Opening Credits:
Heaven for the Weather - The Streets

Waking Up:
My Will - DC Talk

First Day at School:
Spanish Fantasy - Phil Keaggy

Falling in Love:
Duart's Castle - one of those Atmosphere CDs of bagpipe music. (For falling in love? Ugh.)

Breaking Up:
The Sacred Romance (Instrumental) - Michael W. Smith

Prom:
Right Down the Line - Gerry Rafferty

Life’s Okay:
One Day - The Juan MacLean

Mental Breakdown:
New York's Not My Home - Jim Croce

Driving:
Luna Creciente (Waxing Moon) - Oscar Reynolds (Okay, this would be cool driving at night with the moon-roof open.)

Flashback:
Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain

Getting Back Together:
Mood Rings - Relient K

Wedding:
Telephasic Workshop - Boards of Canada

Birth of Child:
Take it With Me - Tom Waits

Final Battle:
Ave Maria - The Canadian Brass and the Canadian Brass Jazz All-Stars

Death Scene:
The Walk - Stephen Curtis Chapman

Funeral Song:
Mansard Roof - Vampire Weekend

Nice One:
05m - chapter section from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

end credits:
Happy Christmas - The Canadian Brass and the Canadian Brass Jazz All-Stars



Well. So this soundtrack utterly stank. Epic failure. Though now that I think about it, I guess at least it would be an utterly bizarre movie, with COMPLETELY disjointed music selections...which goes along with my whole quirky schtick. So, not so much a failure after all! Huzzah!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and other Manic Works of Fantasy

I love things that are a tad "off."

Be they Tim Burton's over-stylized, gothic, twisted fantasies (SO excited for Alice in Wonderland, coming out March 2010), newly-conceptualized classic works such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (and her sister classic, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters), or delightfully inventive, over-the-top, throwback cartoons such as The Venture Brothers, I eat that shizzle up.

But why?

Maybe I have an insatiable need to invent upon, to appreciate the kooky and creative, because it breaks the cliched and overdone. I laugh when people unconsciously conform to established modes of storytelling, lifestyle, and subculture, even when they think they are being dazzlingly original. (Cough. Look at how detached I am being. It's not like THAT has ever been done before.)

This is not at all to say that conventions are bad and to be avoided like the plague. Look at TV Tropes again, my friends, and see the fantastically perverse, utterly inventive conventions that people have come up with over time - many of which have proven themselves worthy of reuse. (Oh, how eco-friendly we are being!) But when people take their supposedly alternative, "original" creativity way too seriously...my eyebrows raise. And I desperately want to satirize them. A lot.

How mean and cynical I am. Which makes me the type of person who likes The Venture Brothers. Although I also love the whimsically effervescent, sunshine-y Spongebob Squarepants, so maybe that redeems me a bit.

Odd pairings

You know the saying, "Opposites attract?" That generally refers to situations where one person's extreme tendencies tend to interlock with another person's extreme tendencies - enough so that they cannot entangle themselves from each other without excessive heartache and scratching up.

In my short life, I have experienced several memorable moments or series of moments consisting of two or three elements being paired together that, rather then being extreme opposites, are actually entirely unrelated to each other, which only makes them that much more awesome. To this day, I still associate these things together. For instance:


*Whale-watching off the coast of Plymouth (I promise, no harpooning took place) + eating a Sugar Daddy (the candy) + reading a Mandy book (adolescent Christian historical fiction)

*Crocheting a hippie-ish scarf contraption + listening to a podcast of The Time Machine by H.G. Wells (this one is actually still taking place)

*Playing Donkey Kong Country 2 on Super Nintendo (specifically the Lost World levels) + making these yarn flower things when it's my brother's turn to play

*Watching the old BBC Narnia videos + playing Donkey Kong Land on my Gameboy (I guess I'm just obsessed with video games starring gorillas)

*Eating packaged Thai noodle bowls + reading Seabiscuit (with drops of the liquid splattering on many pages)


When I remember these times, I smile. And long to recreate them, although if I did the magic wouldn't really be there in the same way.

Phlebotinum

This weekend at my boyfriend's house, I was made aware of a little wiki called TV Tropes. And by "little" I mean HUGE. A "trope" is basically a story or plot convention (but not a cliche) that the site's contributors have identified in various pieces of literature, films, video games, and other creative story genres. The tropes they discuss definitely appeal to my bizarro-meter. "What Kind of Lame Power is Heart Anyway," anybody?

My boyfriend says he can spend hours and hours on this site, and given the vast array of cool-sounding links that greet you in the body of every entry (think Wikipedia, only kind of more interesting), I don't blame him.

One of my new favorite words: phlebotinum. This refers to any device, substance, or power that the author relies on to make things work and to avoid a logical explanation as to how that just happened. I feel like there must be some sort of stimulus or Obama joke in there, but I'll let you come up with the specifics.

Being "offbeat"

The other day, my chiropractor noticed my shoes and commented that she liked them, asking if I had bought them at Anthropologie. (My favorite clothing store, though I have yet to have the money to purchase something there.) Anyhoo, I informed her that no, I had bought the shoes at T.J. Max, but that I loved Anthropologie. She responded, "Oh, I know you do girl; I've got your style down to a T!"

That made me smile inside. And outside too, I suppose.

The shoes have a "quirky," "whimsical" look to them, two words that I think may fairly be applied to my aesthetic sensibilities. My only problem with those words (words that I happen to like a lot) is that they are somewhat overused and cliche.

I mean, what instantly comes to mind when someone says "quirky" or "whimsical"? Let's see:


Frame glasses (usually worn by indie musicians, thrift-shopping fashionistas, and other "artist" types)

Retro-looking furniture, usually of the ugly-chic variety

Slightly coy, waif-like looking girls in flirty, airy, poofy dresses, often with layers.

Kitschy things

Victorian-esque things (after all, what's not to love about quirky dames such as this?)

Artsy movies with a bizarre visual look (and starring pale, dark-haired actresses like Christina Ricci). Oh, and by the way - the shoes in this poster look kind of like mine, except mine are gray. Oh, and I would give...well, a lot of money for her coat. OH, and here's more Victorian in shoe form!

Cartoony intros to "independent films" (a la Juno, Napoleon Dynamite, etc.)


Don't get me wrong: I actually happen to LOVE pretty much all of these things. I'm just amused by how much "quirky" has become mainstream...and expected. Oh well! I'll keep liking it anyway. Because I'm just an independent thinker like that.

Cuz i-i-i-i....

Today I couldn't get Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" out of my head. Not that I had any reason to try; it's a nice song.

Lately I've been loving adorable songs. Happy songs. Ones that infuse my increasingly "cute" persona with a great soundtrack. Another lovely song is Ingrid's "Far Away." And just like the other video, this has awesome cartoon illustrations to accompany it. Oh boy! (Squeals)

Pretty colors

I desperately want some colorful pictures on this page. And since I'm paranoid about copyright laws and such, I feel obligated to put up some of my own. But no matter! Let me indulge my need for tints and hues and share it with the cyber world. Okay, with the one or two other people who read this thing.

My pale self in a bright blue Napoleon Dynamite ("Tina, you fat lard...") t-shirt, in front of my final project for one of my textiles classes

Fuller view of project, with my "canopy", little stained-glass hanging, and string-o-dragonflies joining in

My luscious, ridiculously flavorful bowl of blueberry, pomegranate raspberry, and mango frozen yogurt with fruit toppings. I ate this on my trip to L.A.

My luscious, ridiculously flavorful vegetarian pizza, that actually had a baby carrot as one of the veggies. Also eaten in L.A.

Finally, the L.A. sunset, from Griffith's Observatory, on the Fourth of July. Lovely.

Reading WAY too much into musical enjoyment

Probably revealing my neurotic, obsessively-over-thinking-things side here...but how do you know that you are doing something the "right" way? After all, people choose to do the same things in such unique, varied ways - and they ALWAYS have some sort of justification for the way that they do it. The problem, at least for me, comes when there are two perfectly reasonable, even noble justifications for the doing the same deed, two ways that contradict each other. What then?

Take listening to music, for example. Okay, so here I am, playing some sweet tunes on my iPod in my car. Since this is not a cassette, I can easily switch to any song - or any part of any song - with a few flicks of my fingers. Do I have to complete each song before I move onto the next?

Yes, maybe to anyone else, this question warrants no further thought. But the issue stumps me. What is the most efficient, meaningful, even - dare I say - ethical way to approach my iPod usage?

The artists who created those songs made each one in its entirety. Not only that, but they even made the albums in their entirety (although today's iPod culture is ruining the need to purchase an entire album). I am not fully appreciating the work of art (or artfully arranged garbage) when I don't experience it as completely as I can, which one could argue means listening to the entire thing at least once. If I can't stand to listen to the whole thing, then maybe I shouldn't be listening to it at all. By skipping to a new song once I get bored, furthermore, I am exhibiting an instant-gratification habit, where I want what I want THIS INSTANT, and I want it now. Not a particularly admirable approach.

On the other hand, my time is precious. (And all our time.) Why should I spend my few allotted hours listening to something that I'm not enjoying as much as I possibly can? I'm not legally obligated to listen to these musicians' work, and much of it is of poor quality. Isn't music meant to entertain, to speak to our hearts and minds, to waken something in us? If a song is not serving its function, then maybe I should switch to something that is.

This is what I spend my time thinking about. I know, I know, I'm probably over-doing it a little, yes? But both sides seem a little right. Like in so many areas in life.

Sigh.

Back to normal life, and free audio books on iTunes

Time to resume my "regular" life again. I mean, as much as I can considering that the US of A is still in a pretty dang awful economic situation, I don't have a job, my college loan payments will be kicking in a few months from now...and I've just completed a summer crash course in wedding-attending and bridesmaid-being. (Talk about exhausting. Though on the plus side, there are three happy married couples resulting from this summer's madness. Score.)

But you know, this state of uncertainty has become the new normal in my life. So, to rephrase my first statement, its time to resume my Regular Life - RECESSION STYLE - again.

On a happier topic...free audio books! On iTunes, too, and not just in computer-only format! (Although those things can still be useful, too. There's a time and place for everything.)

To indulge in all your free audio book fantasies, go to the Lit2Go website after opening iTunes. Mosey on down to #4 on the Lit2Go website and click on "Launch iTunes." There are oodles of books, presented by the University of South Florida, that correspond to someone's notion of what students in certain grades should be reading.

(Little Women is listed under Seventh Grade. I read it between Second and Third. But they also throw tons of Shakepeare at Eleventh Graders, and while Eleventh Graders are certainly able to read Shakespeare, I know that I couldn't have handled all that in one year. So who knows where these standards come from.)

I guess getting free audio-books is "eco-friendly" (although, truly, I am firmly in favor of books made out of paper, as out-of-vogue as they may be in this green world we now live in). And, need I say, FREE. So does this qualify as sufficiently anti-materialistic to be part of my let's-try-to-learn-not-to-be-so-materialistic shtick, enough so that I might label this post as such?

Of course, I derive great satisfaction from owning these free audio books, so that I may listen to them whenever I want to and have a personal library, of sorts. That's kind of materialistic.

But this post needs to be described somehow. I don't feel like inventing another label tonight. Therefore, TAG!

New Beautiful Banner!

I'm so excited to finally have something bright, colorful, and mint&pomegranate-esque at the top of my page! And I have my good friend Daryl to thank for it. Thanks Daryl! Check out his business - he's great.

There is nothing new under the sun...

except for Facebook, perhaps...or blogging. (Though didn't monks sometimes "blog" by writing in the margins of manuscripts?) But still, it seems like we are destined to re-use the same ideas, the same designs, the same plotlines, the same core stuff again and again.

I used to bemoan the impossibility of coming up with anything truly original, but I've come to terms with it now. You don't have to have the most mind-blowingly unique idea in order to create something magnificent. The cliche "make it your own" is actually very freeing! Creation is already beautiful, so I'd just like to add my twist to it...

I think an entry on what makes a good cartoon should be forthcoming. Some of the most creative viewing experiences out there may be found in visual animations. Especially the bizarre ones.

You slacker

Installment 1 of my personal let's-try-to-learn-not-to-be-so-materialistic shtick: slacker.com!

What does a free radio website allowing you to create your own personalized radio station have to do with anti-materialism, you might ask?

Well, let's just say I've realized that for me, much of the allure of acquiring random, esoteric, funny, quirky, *insert adjective here* music on my iTunes is so that other people can look at my library and see how random, esoteric, funny, quirky, *insert other adjective here* I am. I devote extra energy and money to acquiring more music so that I can "own" it and show it off. So that I can play it for my friends (subtly, not acting like it's any big deal).

They'll be all like,
"Oh, how eclectic she is. She listens to Amy Winehouse AND Sufjan Stevens AND the Beatles AND Imogen Heap. AND Jim Croce AND India.arie AND Gorillaz AND some random Christian Contemporary bands. And she doesn't even know how eclectic she is. How cool."

With a site like slacker.com, you listen to the music. Period. And it doesn't record how many times you listen to a certain song, and you don't "own" what you listen to (although you can request songs and they play them relatively frequently). In the words of many a tortured artist, "It's all about the music, man."

And hey, I've discovered some really cool music through this site. (You can modify the settings to allow a certain amount of music that you haven't selected yourself to pop up and play.) Romica Puceanu, anybody?

Knitting humor

So this blog pretty much sums up much of what is wrong in ugly craft pattern books out there. (Pardon the language in said linked blog.) Thankfully there are more and more "cool" knitting books coming out, including some that ACTUALLY are fashionable and not just someone's old-fashioned idea of what is "cool." Like, ones that speak to current trends of frugality, vintage, recycling, etc.

Ah, the knitting culture. I am relatively new to this one, but it's fun to be a small part of it in my own private way.

I have a "knitting mystery" book that I read once. It involves alpacas and an alpaca farm and an alpaca farm farmer who is murdered. And the detective loves to knit (hence her connection with the wool-harvesting alpaca farm farmer) and had a knitting group with her friends, that meets in the knitting / weaving store / studio that happens to be right next to her house - actually, a place which reminds me of that fabulous Pennsylvanian entity, the Mannings. Many of her friends work on patterns that sound not quite my style, to put it mildly. And there's a pattern at the end of the book.

Am I a pattern snob? Probably. Should I have an inflated opinion of my own fashion sense? No, I shouldn't. And heck, I fully admit that I have never designed anything as complicated as a garment. But still I find many designs in the craft world pretty frumpy and unexciting. Which is why fresh developments in the art / design / eco / lifestyle worlds excite me. Particularly ones that inspire creativity without needing to dictate every last detail. Yay.

Fireflies

I looked out at the front yard earlier this evening to check on my (loudly barking) dog, and I noticed lots of fireflies glowing. This was quite lovely to see, because it's really the first time this season I've seen them shine. How beautiful.

Streetlamps at twilight...now that's one of my other favorite summer sights!

Travel

My Massachusetts vacation has helped me to have a new appreciation for this grand old state in which I was born. In all the daily hubbub (and hubris) of where I currently live, I lose track of the great aspects of small-town MA life - most of which have been passed down to me from my parents. One of the best parts of small-town MA? People are really down-to-earth here. It's a different kind of down-to-earthedness than you find in small towns in other parts of the US. Yes, people may be a bit more private than most people are in, say, the South, but they watch each other's backs and don't put up a front. Or, as my boyfriend taught me to say (because I am hopelessly out-of-date sometimes when it comes to "slang"), they don't be frontin'.

Oh, and trying to find parking in Boston on a Friday night? Don't even try. Learned that the hard way. And it had to happen while my cousin's GPS decided to stop working. Yeah, that made for a slightly frustrating, though rather entertaining excursion. But we made our way to a fantastic eatery, finally, and the creme brulee was tre fabulous. Yum!

I'm pretty antsy, not quite sure how my upcoming travels will work out schedule-wise...but that should be settled soon, so all's the better.

Fantastimagical, scrupledeedupulous, technocolorific retro rainbows

What was it about those retro-rainbow bits of the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s that prompted ensembles like Rod Stewart's little number? Rainbow socks, skinny red pants (jeans or corduroys, I'm not quite sure), soft feathery hair (how pretty). Don't get me wrong, I kind of enjoy that whole cartoony, Schoolhouse Rock style...slightly muted (but slightly bright), dusty colors, lots of lines encasing other lines, and dreamy premise. But I just wonder where this came from, and if we will ever see it again. Well, of course the past decade has pretty much been a throwback to the last 60 years, so I'm sure it will come up. Give it time.



In fact, Rod's pic got me to thinking...how tastes in male "heartthrobs" have changed through the decades!

Let's see...

1900s: Dapper young fellow, keen to explore and enjoy his youth in these exciting modern times
1910s: Another dapper young fellow, strolling through the park one day...and contemplating his upcoming marriage to a proper young society woman, not one of those silly suffragettes
1920s: Boys like me wear stripes, play polo, and go to dances with those flashy flapper women. Look at my intensity. You can bet I ain't flivver!
1930s: People (including female people) wanted heroes to distract them from the devastation of the Great Depression. So why not throw on oversized goggles, take to the sky, and soar into the American imagination?
1940s: Film noir. Cynical men who trudge through wet city streets late at night, smoke on cigars and look like Humphrey Bogart...all while fighting against fascism. Can't get more stylin' than this.
1950s: Say, Ethel, I think you're really swell. May I please escort you to the drug store for an ice cream soda? I hear they've been playing some of that "rock" music there!
1960s: Retro rainbow action! Here are the Monkees...four groovy guys who are fabulously boy-bandtastic. Davy Jones, however, wins as the "heartthrob" (at least, according to my mother). Not sure, but I think he's the pretty-looking one in the middle.
1970s: Also got the inspiration for this one from my mother's vault of celebrity crushes. Neil Diamond, in all his hairy-chested, feather-haired, man-jewelry glory.
1980s: The King of Pop himself. (Okay, this actually makes me sad. Some people made an image of Michael as he may have looked without ever having surgery, and put it next to how he looks now. He had no reason to feel insecure about his looks - he was adorable without having any work done.)
1990s: What could be better than clashety-clash, neon, and a high-top? Put 'em all together, and you get a smart-aleck but lovable Philly transplant living it up in Bel-Air. Hijinks ensue.
early 2000s: Oh, look at those curls. Those boyish pink lips. And the falsetto of gold. The "cool" girls in my junior high mandated that we all had to like Justin Timberlake. And I admit, I did what I was told.

now: I lack the objectivity to look beyond the moment and select the stereotypical upper-2000s "heartthrob". There are just so many looks to choose from. Personally, I'm partial to "geek-chic" guys - a mop of dark hair, intelligently hilarious banter, and quietly a-maz-ing eyes make me melt. But is everyone the same? I don't speak for all women. I only speak to the cliches of the past 100-something years. Here's to the next 100.

Sunglasses, finally!

Bought two pairs of Jackie O sunglasses at JC Penneys, while they were having fantastic sales. One pair is very similar to this one, minus the rhinestones.

Sigh. Retro is beautiful. (Unless if it's ugly-retro, which can still be pretty fantastic.) I know it's really cliche to go on and on about Jackie's taste in fashion, but isn't that why she's an icon? She personified the idea that clean, well-fitting garments (and accessories) pack a whole lot more punch than overly trendy, cluttered looks. Don't get me wrong, I love me some hippie-ish crochet and "world" fashion, and I appreciate certain layered looks a lot. But for my part, I try to buy relatively simple pieces that fit well without you really having to "fuss" with it in order to make it look right. Hence, my recent love of dresses - if you find the right one, you put it on and bam! you're done. My tastes have changed a lot over the years, that's for certain!

Mine

Social Security. What does this term conjure up for me? Mostly frustration, and a bit of bitterness that I'm paying into a system that might not be there for me when I get to be of recipient age. That whole pay-as-you-go thing. Don't get me wrong, my grandparents are now benefiting from Social Security, and I am glad that they are. I guess I just wish our society would think of this program more in terms of, "Okay, it is our duty to care for the older generations that raised us." Instead, even though we SAY that you get what you put into it (which, yes, is somewhat true), technically the people paying into it now are funding the current recipients. One might argue that either way, as long as you contribute as a young person and receive your designated funds as an older person, it doesn't really matter if you get your own money or someone else's: because everyone will get their money when their turn comes. But it does make a difference if you are my age and can look forward to turning 67 (or probably 87, by the time I'm old enough) without any assurance that the system will be there.

But you know something? I was thinking about this today, and it hit me...why am I so concerned with making sure that I get what's MINE? Shouldn't the focus be on having enough to live comfortably and joyfully, without worrying about accumulating all that I'm "entitled" to? I'm not a socialist. I'm inclined to favor compassionate free trade. There's nothing wrong with having a society organized around the principle that on some level, people should enjoy the fruits of the work they've accomplished. And I believe it's natural and good to feel a sense of pride in your work, and it's a blessing to enjoy what you have earned. (Of course, you can argue that some of the hardest working people in the world - ie. crop workers, etc. -don't get properly rewarded relative to the intensity of their efforts. But that's a different discussion.) However, to become obsessed with grasping on to what is supposedly my due is wrong. The more important thing is to use what you need, without focusing on grasping money and goods just to hold on to them because they're yours. If it all belongs to God ultimately, then it's my job to save it, care for it, be smart about it, but ultimately just live and LET IT GO.

If only I actually lived my daily life this way. I'm working on that. Maybe I'll get the hang of it by the time I die.

Oh, and I'm sick of the lack of pictures on this page. Let's fix that now. Since I still am concerned about the whole copyright thing, let me just stick to my own photos. Here is a beautiful pic I took in London. This is one example of the gorgeousness of city lights. Light pollution it may be, but at least it's pretty pollution, right?

The overly-long explanation of what this is all about. Sorry, I'm horrible at paring down my words. So much for simplicity.

I guess it's time to lay out what exactly I'm aiming for in this blog. Why exactly am I trying to "discover simplicity in a metropolitan world"? Excellent question, gentle reader(s? one can only hope): and I shall try to provide an answer.

To put it simply, my life feels extremely cluttered. My room, my schedule, my responsibilities - all are examples of things that I have never managed to bring to a state of meaningful completion. Over the past couple of years, I have increasingly felt the need to resolve that which has been left undone; to finish what I've started; to decide what's truly meaningful in the midst of all the dross. I'm not talking about having everything pristinely organized for its own sake, or developing a rigid style and personality. I'm talking about cutting through the garbage in order to make the most of what I've got while I've got it, so that what I've got can be used for good - can be meaningful.

My natural inclination is to daydream, to throw together colors and patterns and layers of material together in art projects, to pay attention to immense detail just because I think it's beautiful. I need lots of alone time to experiment with my personal projects and missions. I don't like adhering to a rigid schedule, but rather going along with what I'm feeling. At the same time, I have another natural inclination - one that wars with this eclectic artsy-fartsy persona. Ever sense I was little, I have struggled with an often paralyzing sense of perfectionism, particularly in all matters moral and behavioral. There's trying to do the right thing, and then there's OBSESSING over doing the right thing to an unhealthy and unrealistic level - which almost always produces a sense of all-consuming guilt when those "perfect" aspirations are not attained.

In many ways, I have become MORE of a "free spirit" as I've gotten older, because I've been trying to break away from the misery that comes with such debilitating, self-inflicted guilt. This is good and bad: good, because I've learned to loosen up and not be quite so hard on myself or on others, and bad, because sometimes I let myself get so caught up in being artistic, dreamy, and enjoyable that I neglect some really important parts of daily living - even basic things like keeping my area reasonably clean or writing thank-you notes in a responsible manner. Sometimes dreaminess can be a little selfish, no matter how good your intentions. While I've always been pretty self-controlled and reserved when it came to my body, my personal space, etc., I have struggled with getting a handle on things and duties in my life. There's a sense of powerlessness that comes when you constantly procrastinate, lose things, and bungle your responsibilities, and at the same time CARE about the fact that you are messing up. I hate that feeling, and I am trying to find more order in my life - WITHOUT losing my appreciation for spontaneous passion, creativity, and beauty for its own sake.

What does this have to do with "metropolitan"? Well, let's just say that I live in an area that doesn't exactly promote simple living: the thriving insanity that is the Greater-Washington-Metropolitan-Area.

The thing is, I am NOT anti-city - far from it. It actually really bothers me when people assume that country=pure, and city=corrupt...that goodness only exists in a rural, bucolic setting and that cities are automatically on the highway to hell. God has just as much redemption available for people living in cities as he does for those in the country. Still, I know that I often let my busy, crazy, colorful environment (which I rather enjoy!) get the best of me - I ascribe greater meaning to the looks of things and to the pure excitement of it all than to those more essential things...faith, family, friends, giving to strangers, unlearning selfishness...that are truly beautiful.

In order to break past unnecessary distractions, then, do we all retreat to pastoral communes? No! I want to learn to simplify where I am, to make things better where I am for those around me. And where I am is here...in this nutty metropolitan area that molded me. An area that I kind of love.

I want to make what I have work for me. And the thing is that I don't want to WASTE stuff anymore, because there are so many needs in this world that could be met if we learned how to use our stuff more effectively. Not being militant or OCD about it, just being smart.

Whoa. I think I'm delving into the happy waters of sustainability and postmodern eco-friendliness. Those trendy "Green" celebrities and Al Gore would be proud of me. "Yay."

Now that I've spent a ridiculous amount of time blogging about myself...

Maybe I can work on that cover letter? And SIMPLIFY my life by starting to make enough money to pay for my own loans and take the burden off my parents? Sigh. It would be so much easier to put off that responsibility for the morrow...

Until then. Live long and prosper.

(Am I evil for linking to the new Spock rather than the old? Sorry. But let me plug for the new movie - it was quite enjoyable, even for this not-quite-a-trekkie who is more partial to The Next Generation than the original series.)

The First One...and oh my, the pressure.

Another late night up, another night not getting done what I'd like to accomplish. Well, okay, I did sort of start a blog...but that's not exactly the same as finishing up that new cover letter, or doing the work for my mom like I said I would...or cooking something to bring to work for lunch tomorrow. In actuality, some of these things weren't really concrete plans, more like vague concepts of future possibilities - so I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself, right? But the cover letter is something I really need to do soon, before that job closes. Yikes.

Okay, so time to get some popcorn, organize those checks for Mom, and maybe...pop in a movie? Watch some TV? The night is young. Barring the fact that I need to be up in about 8.5 hours to get ready for work. I'm not meant for this being-awake-during-the-day thing, if it means I have to go to bed early. The thing is, though, that when you are up late at night, then you feel the urge to sleep in during the day (if you don't have to get up for school / work), and then you miss the morning. I don't like to miss morning OR night. So maybe...I should forgo "sleep" altogether in favor of a huge midday siesta? I shall have to ponder.